A non-medical medical career

   My wife had a little sore spot on her lip so I offered to treat it.  I'll cut a small "x" in it, and you drink lemonade - poof! it's gone - I explain.  She opted out.
  I have a long history of non-practice.  I think it's called Psycho-motorized Physiological non-Pharmaceutical Physicianism, well, something like that.  I learned from my grandmothers when I was a little kid.  My grandmothers made everything, soap, cottage cheese, one made home brew and wine the other was a tea total-er.  They both had their own form of first-aid and did really well at it.
  I also had a neighbor, Nellie Jones, wife of John Sell Parker Jones III - a local farmer with a fancy name.  I had a bunch of warts on my right hand, the web part between the thumb and forefinger.  She put some juice from a milkweed on it, told me it would be gone in a few days.  And, it was!  Mental magic right there.  That's when I might have decided to go in to practice myself.
  I try to help people with lots of ailments; need a joint replacement?  See me, I have a hacksaw and a hatchet, they're made from painless steel, and probably won't hurt.  I can cure most everything by dragging a part from a car, cutting or maybe burning with acid.  All I ask in return is that you sign a simple release absolving me of any damages.  How's that?  Free medical care, right here!